Monday, March 7, 2016

Margaritas... margaritas everywhere!

I'm back, lovers (?) and friends. I don't feel bad about not posting for the past couple of weeks because hey, no one is paying me to be here... but, I do feel bad that I haven't kept up on my reading as good as I usually do - that makes me feel guilty. Life happens though. The past couple of weeks have been kinda draining for one reason or another and I just felt like being a lazy boob and reading Harry Potter for the umpteenth time whenever I was free. It is what it is.


My birthday was this past Friday. 31. It feels weird that it doesn't feel weird. I still feel like I'm 23. (Minus the hot bod and with more sense of course... but you get what I mean.) A few weeks ago Pete bought me some new makeup (Tarte cheek stain in Exposed, Tarte blush in Exposed, Too Faced Melted in Chihuahua, and Naked Basics - holla!) so my birthday itself was pretty low key. We went to my favorite Mexican place and shoved our faces with deep fried tacos and margarita flights (I mean, c'mon... what more could a grown ass woman ask for?!), then went grocery shopping and just hung out at home for the rest of the night. It was perfect. (Sidenote: we all know it's good to grocery shop on a full stomach but did you also know that it's a good idea to grocery shop with a slight buzz? You're welcome.)

My lineup: strawberry, peach, and papaya!
Pete finally picked out his outfit for the wedding (the guys will be wearing black suit pants, white button downs with the sleeves rolled up, suspenders, bow-ties, and Converse). Getting men to try on clothes and then come out and do a catwalk for you in front of other shoppers ("turn around, let me see that ass!" - me) is not fun. Finding out there are hardly any sizes left in the first pair of suit pants you pick out is also not fun . Afterwards, we went out to dinner (Mexican again... there's no such thing as too much Mexican in my book!) with Pete's parents and guess what? More margaritas happened, I decided not to karate chop Pete in the neck, and the wedding is still on! Hooray!


Speaking of the wedding (aren't I always?!), our shower is on Sunday and I alternate between being excited to see everyone and for presents (anyone who says they don't like presents is full of shit) and thinking I'm about to soil myself. I really hope the latter doesn't happen because I'll be wearing white (gasp!). Really though, shitting yourself in any color isn't great. So yeah, hard no on the shitting. Anyway, I'm obsessed with the theme we came up with and I can't wait to show you all pictures and tell you more about it!
A little preview, courtesy of Vistaprint. My friend Chelsea designed them!
The Bachelor: The Women Tell All is tonight! These are always the best part of the whole season, including the final episode. Bitches be crazy. I have a bottle of wine ready to go and I'll be switching my phone settings to "Do Not Disturb" from the hours of 8 PM until 10 PM.

I lied... minus the shirt, THIS was the best part of the whole season. *sigh*
Here's to a great week, ladies! Let's do the damn thang.

What's the best makeup purchase you've made lately?
What food can you not get enough of?
Will you be tuning into ABC tonight?

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Thoughts On A Treadmill

My girl Steph from Life According to Steph does posts every once in a while documenting her random streams of consciousness (see HERE and HERE) and I thought it would be fun to try my hand at it. 

Also: I went to the gym for the first time since 2012 (li-ter-uh-ly) and wanted a way to document the shit out of it without being a total asshole.

Get in my head. Godspeed.

  • Why is it already hot in here?
  • Is that my B.O.?
  • How loud am I breathing? I can't tell with these earbuds but it feels like it's loud AF.
  • I wonder what my ass looks like to the guy behind me.
  • Probably like 2 jelly donuts squished together.
  • Damn, a jelly donut sounds good right now.
  • I need to fart.
  • I've only burned 100 calories so far?! I'll never look at a snack pack of pretzels the same way again. FUCK.
  • I hope I can remember what I'm thinking so I can blog about it. No way can I walk and make a note in my phone at the same time.
  • Does that couple that just walked in have matching workout gear on? Gross.
  • How is that girl reading a book and cycling at the same time? I can barely walk 3.5 MPH while paying attention to a fucking podcast.
  • Holy shit, I'm sweating like a whore in church.
  • The thighs on these pants are going to wear out fo' sho'.
  • Oh my god... this is the longest anyone has walked EVER.
  • I still need to fart.
  • Must... have... water.
  • I'm done.

The end... because I only made it half an hour. But hey, it's a start and it's better than nothing, right?!

How do you pass the time while on a treadmill/elliptical/etc.?

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

"My Daddy never told me how to live my life... he just lived his and I learned from watching."

To put it mildly, I miss my Dad so much that I usually feel an overwhelming sense of despair when I think about him. It's been nearly 10 years since the worst day of my life, but the loss is still fresh to the point where it's like a sucker punch to the gut - I doubt if that will ever go away, regardless of how much time passes. It's something I've had to learn to live with. Some days I live with it better than others.

It's tempting to drown in the darkness of my mind, but, I feel like it would be a dishonor to my Dad's memory if I didn't allow myself to smile or laugh when I think about him, too... we had a lot of good times together - I mean, that's why I miss him so much! I'm grateful for so many things about our relationship and during the roughest times, those things are what keep me afloat.

One of the things I'm grateful for, is all of the lessons I learned from him. Today, I'm going to share a few.


  • March to the beat of your own drum. Or guitar. Whatever. DO YOU! You don't have to be a cookie cutter person to be valuable or loved.
  • Honesty is the best policy. Base your decisions around avoiding things you'll be tempted to lie about later. Sometimes people will be disappointed in you when you tell them the truth but they'll always be even more disappointed with you if you try to be deceitful about something.
  • Making people laugh is the best feeling there is. It makes you happy, it makes them happy... everyone wins!

  • Think for yourself. Life would be boring if everyone always had the same point of view. Seeing things differently doesn't necessarily equate to one way being right and one way being wrong, either. People don't have to have the same opinions to coexist.
  • Stand up for your beliefs, for those who can't stand up for themselves, etc.
  • The fine art of crop dusting.

  • Take pride in your work. Do your absolute best... then go home at the end of the day feeling good about it.
  • Be reliable. If you commit to something, honor that commitment. Do what you say you're going to do or just shut your pie hole.

  • Help those in need whenever you can in whichever way possible. Sometimes all it takes is lending them an ear. Other times, it may mean opening your wallet or home. There will be times when you need help, too.
  • Have a strong handshake. Wimpy ones are off putting. Convey your confidence/character in even the smallest acts.
  • Be goofy. Life is too short to take yourself too seriously.


There's no doubt that my Dad taught me enough during our time together to last me the rest of my lifetime. I can only imagine what else I would have learned from him if we had more time together. But I'm a better person for having the time with him that I did have. I'm far from perfect, but, I hope I'm doing you proud, Daddy! :)

What's an important lesson you've been taught by a loved one?

Monday, February 8, 2016

So... who won? Never-mind, I don't care.

I paid so little attention to Super Bowl 50 that I don't even remember who played in it. I know the Panthers, but that's it. I even asked and then forgot 10 minutes later. That's how much I care about football (well, about sports in general really). My attention span is good only for the performances and the commercials.

Lady Gaga has some serious pipes on her, there's no doubt about that. Didn't quite understand the eye-shadow though. Whatever. Different strokes for different folks. She killed it regardless of her getup.



The main event for us girls was the halftime show. Was anyone else as disappointed as we were? I mean... Coldplay? Really? I feel like they haven't been relevant since 2009 (and I also feel like that's being generous). As my girlfriend said about their weird swirly floored stage: "Are they trying to hypnotize us into liking them?" Bruno was entertaining though, and then Beyonce came out and all was right with the world.


The commercials weren't anything to write home about. Less Alec Baldwin/Pepsi throughout the ages and more doggies. GIVE ME THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT! ("Puppy/Monkey/Baby" doesn't count either... that shit was scary as fuck and will haunt me for all eternity. *shivers*)

Our snacks and chit chat were on point per usual but Pete and I went to different get togethers and he didn't have quite as much luck in the food department...

What his contribution was supposed to look like:

(source/recipe)
How it actually turned out:


I mean, this might just be the most epic "Pinterest Fail" of all time. I can't even grasp how things went so horribly wrong.


We all went home after halftime was over because we're lame and old BUT I still don't get why they don't have Super Bowl on a Saturday or something. For people who are really into it, knowing you have to work the next day must really put a damper on things. Luckily for me, you don't get hungover from drinking Coke Zero.

Did you watch the Super Bowl? If so, did you watch it for the actual game or for the entertainment factor?
Have you ever had a Pinterest fail?

Thursday, February 4, 2016

A Virtual Goody Bag From Me To You

It's been a hot minute since I've shared some of my favorites around these parts. Let's just get down to it.

"Hide Away" by Daya: This song is actually a few months old but I've only recently discovered it and become obsessed with it. #catchyAF



Mamma Mia!: My friend's wife Angela started a blog called Mamma Mia! aaaaand it's the shit. I would equate the feeling you get while reading it to the feeling you get while you're shooting the shit with your best girlfriend. She's based out of Nashville and she shares candid thoughts about life, fashion, beauty, and food, so, there's something for everyone and a lot of somethings for people who like all of those things (me!). She recently posted a DELICIOUS drink recipe involving fresh pineapple and Stoli... check it out HERE and leave her some love!!

(Source: Mamma Mia!)

Konjac Sponges: These little bad boys are my new ride or dies when it comes to face washing. They're hard when they're dry but once you get them wet, they expand (kind of like a Beauty Blender does) and get suuuuuper soft. A lot of different companies have these available in several different versions. I got one for sensitive skin by ECO Tools from Target for $5.99 - you can't beat that. I've noticed a huge difference in both the tone and texture of my skin. They do a fantastic job of getting every trace of makeup/grime off and unlike the Clarisonic Mia brush heads, they don't stain to the point that it looks like you cleaned your asshole with them 2 days after they're replaced. Yippee!

(source)

Hot Dudes With Dogs: What's better than an Instagram account dedicated to dogs? AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT DEDICATED TO HOT DUDES WITH DOGS! Lord have mercy. Whoever created this deserves a parade thrown in their honor.


The Bitch Bible: This blog turned podcast is one of my go-to listens now. It's so good that I actually backtracked and started from the beginning so I wouldn't miss a single episode. Jackie is the perfect combination of snark, smarts, and sexy. Get you some.



Honorable mentions: "Love Yourself by Justin Bieber (if you're religious, pray for my obviously tainted soul), dried cherries, Married at First Sight, Coco Mademoiselle perfume by Chanel, and Punxutawney Phil not seeing his shadow.

Have you tried any konjac sponges?
Which podcasts do you listen to on the regular?