Exactly one month from today, I'll be 29. Twenty nine. Twenty... NINE! TWENTYFUCKINGNINE! The older you get, the faster the years seem to fly by... maybe this year, when I blow out the candles, I'll wish for 29 to crawl - that's my first instinct.
I have issues when it comes to milestone birthdays. When I turned 20, I cried because I wasn't a teenager anymore. When I turned 25, I had a near meltdown. Sometimes, I literally forget how old I am because I try not to remember.
You can't ignore 29 though.
At first, I thought my issue with aging was because I didn't want to get "old." Then, the older I got (oh hey, irony!), the more I realized it was because I felt like I was the only one who wasn't where I thought I'd be by that point (although sometimes I actually consider that a blessing), and that I was going to get left behind.
Growing up is scary. It's not something that happens all at once. It's something that happens gradually over an extended period of time... every day of your life, really - because I like to believe we're always growing.
I think of my Dad, who died at 46... far too "young"... and the following quote comes to mind:
|Dad lighting some candles for me.|
My Dad made every one of his 46 years count. I'm going to make every year of mine count, too. I'm not going to look back on 29 and be sad that it's gone, I'm going to look back on 29 and be inspired to do even greater things at 30 and beyond.
Today, I will start drafting my 30 before 30 list. Not a bucket list like I've made in the past, because I feel like sometimes that can be an illusion that lets me think I have all the time in the world and encourages me to say "oh, I can do that tomorrow". I want a list that kicks me in the ass every morning and reminds me that I'm lucky to be here and need to make the most of the rest of my time here, regardless of the length of it... just like my Dad did.
Do you have a list of things you'd like to do in your life? What's on it? I gotta tell you... I'm excited! :)