I realize that some people may not relate to this post because there's zero chance of them ever getting snow in their neck of the woods. To those people, I say: fuck off. Seriously. Just take your sunshine and your year-round booty short weather and fuck off. We can be friends again when spring comes... if it ever does.
For the rest of you, I present:
First of all, I'm not Dale Earnhardt Jr. In the interest of full disclosure, I didn't even pass my driving test the first time I took it. If you read all of these tips and still can't drive well in the winter, well, don't come crying to me or trying to sue me (I'm a broke ass bitch and the most you'll get from me is a Hefty bag full of empty pop cans).
I have a lot of friends in blogland that have been having a horrible time driving in the winter weather because the area they live in isn't prepared or equipped for it. As someone who's used to it (Michigan born and bred), I can tell you that it's always going to suck no matter what BUT there are some things you can do to make it at least a little easier on yourself. Obviously, if it's bad out you should stay off the roads whenever possible. But, what do you do when you have to get out there for some reason?
- Before you even get in your vehicle, grab the scraper (if you don't own a scraper, get one... they're like $5... and I know you bitches love Starbucks and spend more than that during a single visit) and clean it off. Not just your windshield. Not just your windshield and windows. Errythang. Even the top... because if a big chunk slides down onto your windshield while you're commuting, you're screwed.
- Clean your rear lights and headlights off, too. You want people to be able to see you, right?
- Give yourself extra time. Maybe you'll over-estimate and have time to kill once you reach your destination. So what?
- Don't drive like an asshat. Even if you have 4-wheel-drive. Those speed limit signs that are posted? Those apply to EVERYONE in OPTIMAL driving conditions. (Side note: if you pass me like a bat out of hell and I see you in a ditch a few miles later, I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh. #sorrynotsorry #hahayouredumb)
- Allow extra time/space to brake and accelerate. Even if you're going slow, you can still slide. And even if you'd normally pull out (haha... "pull out") into traffic with way less space between yourself and oncoming traffic, give yourself at least double the usual time... because these aren't the usual conditions you're dealing with. You may have to wait longer, but you left early and gave yourself some extra time, remember?
- If your area isn't normally equipped for winter weather, buy a bag of sand/salt/kitty litter to keep in your vehicle. Obviously you can't prep all of the roads on your route, but, if you do happen to get stuck you can use it on the ground for added traction. (Also, if you have rear-wheel-drive, a couple of bags in the trunk will help to balance the weight of the vehicle which aids in traction as well.)
- Give yourself at least a car length between you and the vehicle in front of you when you stop... just in case the person behind you can't stop in time. This is always a good idea, but, especially when it's slippery out. Sandwiches are good, but, not when you're the filling and the bread is actually metal.
- I personally like to drive in the outside lanes whenever possible. The shoulder gives you more driving room. If you have to pull over for whatever reason, you won't need to worry about cutting through traffic. Plus, if you start sliding, I'm assuming you'd rather have an empty area to slide into rather than sliding into cars on either side of you.
- Pay attention. This is not the time to do your mascara in the visor mirror.
- Keep emergency supplies in your car just in case you get stranded. Blankets, some kind of snack, a flashlight, etc. It's always better to be safe than sorry.
There you have it, friends... MeeMee's tips for driving in the snow like a boss. I want you all safe and sound, so, I hope that there was something in here that you could take away and apply to yourselvfes for a smoother and safer winter driving experience.
This concludes today's public service announcement. On Monday, we will return to your regularly scheduled shenanigans.
*insert white noise and multi-colored vertical bars HERE*